Some things we’ve learned

Adoption Awareness Month is in full gear! As future adoptive parents, we love hearing and reading stories about families made and formed by the bonds of adoption. We believe that adoption is our gift from God and something we always wanted to do, yet it was meant to be His plan from the very beginning.

Here are some things that we would like to share about what this journey is like:

What is some advice you can give to others who want to adopt?

Adopting is a long road! We’ve had many conversations with friends and family lately where we have been asked about updates on our adoption and how the progress is going. We’ve also talked with others who are in the same path or may think about adopting. One thing you should be prepared is that it is a long road and it definitely takes a lot of energy and it takes a toll emotionally as well, there are ups and downs and sacrifices you need to make. It is not a road for everyone and you have to be prepared for unexpected happening. You also need to be sure this is what you want to do, if you want to adopt a child because it’s “trendy” or you “want to save all the needy children Angelina Jolie style”, then it is probably not for you, realize that you will be bringing a child to your home, to your life, to your family and this is not like when you adopt a pet, it is a commitment for a life time. Make sure you are 100% sure that adoption is what you want to do.

Do your research!

There are many different roads you can take when you are adopting, and really there is no way better than others. You can go through the state, you can go private domestic and international, each way has its pros and cons. Before you decide, make sure you have looked into each option before you make a decision as far as which route you are going to take.

Trust in your support system

Family and friends are extremely important partners when it comes to adoption and just like anything else in life, you shouldn’t do it alone. We’ve received an overwhelming amount of love from our families and friends and we are so excited to continue sharing this journey with them. It also helps talking to others who have been through adoption. When you talk to people about the fact that you are adopting, people love the idea but for most it is a foreign concept. We have been lucky enough to know others who have gone through the process that we can call and talk to and come with questions about the process or if we just need a voice to vent. Our parents and siblings have also been the biggest supporters we’ve had and we couldn’t do it without them. So whoever your support group is (your family, friends, church, co-workers, etc) please know that you can rely on them, they are placed in your life for a reason.

And lastly, your spouse…

Just like in any marriage and in parenting, your spouse is your #1 partner in the adventure of adoption. This year has been challenging for us as we decided to begin the adoption process and we have learned to rely on each other more than ever before, not that we didn’t before, but we have really grown even closer than ever before and have really taken that extra step to solidify our marriage and our roles in each other’s lives. Men and women react to certain situations differently and it has been awesome to get to learn how to comfort each other in this journey.

Adoption is definitely a blessing and we wouldn’t want it any other way, not now and not ever, it is definitely what we feel our calling is to be as parents.

Two very different paths

cropped-crossroad-stock-photo-stretched-long1

There are many different roads you can take when it comes to adoption, although the most common are through the State and the other is through a Private Agency.

Yesterday we received the biggest confirmation on why we are doing the right thing in having chosen to stick with a Private Agency instead of going through the State. Now, regardless of how you feel about the State’s system, we are not saying at all that it is not worth it. There is a huge need for families to foster and adopt through the State, especially here in New Mexico, we just really felt like that was clearly not for us at this time. We have talked about fostering in the future, but feel that our primary focus now should be adopting baby G.

We atteded a meeting at our local “State Agency” to gather information because even though we had already set our eyes on sticking with Adoption Assistance Agency and we are on their waiting list, we figured we at least would give it the benefit of the doubt to explore what other options are. It is not worth going into detail because it is not our place to encourage or discourage anyone from pursuing this venue, but we just got a big impression of how going through public adoption is not right venue for us. We are so grateful to be involved (even if it is a waiting list manner) with an agency that has the best interest for all the parties involved and the well being of both bio, adoptive and the child as well.

Go Fund Me: Last Day!

Today is the very last day to donate to our Go Fund Me Campaign…this means after tonight at midnight we will be closing it down. We’ve received great support from loved ones and this has helped us kick start the series of fundraisers. Keep your eyes open for Monday, we will be announcing the next fundraiser then!

Click here to go to our Go Fund Me site before mid-night!

#WCW

Ok, so just like my wife I usually don’t subscribe to cliches, but I felt like my wife is deserving of being my Woman Crush Wednesday every day! (Also, she said some really pretty things in this blog post about me the other day so it is my turn to give back).

My wife Danielle is a great woman, my best friend and partner for the rest of my life and I really can’t imagine anyone else to do life with. One of the (many) things I love about my wife the most is how loving, caring and compassionate she is. Anyone that has ever met her in person knows and can agree that she has a big heart, which is why she is a social worker. She has such a huge heart for making an impact and helping others learn and improve their life situations and I don’t know how she does it, some days I just sit and wonder how she deals with some of the things and stories she hears from the women and children she works with.

There is no doubt in my mind that when the day of adoption finally comes she will be a great Mom, and will definitely be like no Mom I have ever met. We often joke about how our kids from a very young age will use terms like “safety boundaries” and “coping skills” that their little friends may find it annoying, but that is because she will always make sure that they are safe and will teach them those valuable lessons, plus she learned from her Mom who is a great woman. I have so much respect for my Mother in law because she worked so hard to make sure that her daughters not only lacked anything, but would grow up to be strong women and I see that every day in my wife eyes. I know that Danielle will strive to be a great parent, just like her Mom is.

I am blessed to have her walking in this adoption path with me, and it is a path we never imagined we would end up walking, at least not at this point of our lives. I will never forget one of the very first real conversations we had when we started entertaining the idea of struggling with fertility, Danielle in tears talked about how yes it is great that while we don’t have kids we have freedom, we can pack up our bags and go out of town or go out late for dinner or to the movies without having to worry about finding a baby sitter or someone to watch her kids, but that she would also give that all up to be a Mom. She would give up in a heart beat all to be a Mother and hearing those words was one of the most heart breaking things to hear. This came from a strong woman realizing the one thing she wanted the most, may not be a possibility for her, that she may never get to experience what it is like to feel her baby move or kick inside her. It was truly a tough moment for me as a husband to witness that, but it was also one of the moments that marked the beginning of our adoption journey, because after that, we knew that adoption was what we wanted to do and that we were not going to miss out on anything. We knew that our life and our legacy was going to be that God had selected a child to be raised by us as one of our own, and we would not change that for anything in the world!

Our children will be so lucky to have such an amazing and loving Mom and I can’t wait to see as that happens in front of my very own eyes!

-Luis

#MCM

Okay, so I know how cliche it is to title the post #MCM, especially on a Monday. I did want to share a story about Luis.

A couple weekends ago, we had some friends of ours ask us to watch their 1 year old son. I was very excited, but also a bit nervous. I work with kids all day at work, but somehow knowing that I am responsible for the care of a small child with mom and dad not in the house made me nervous. Our friends have an amazingly well behaved and sweet kid. He is a joy to be around! Anyway, we were excited and ready to go. Luis did such an amazing job. He played games and was interactive and attentive. He did everything right, and was so confident with what he was doing. He really embodied all of the qualities that you dream about when you think of the qualities that you want for the father of your kids. He did amazing. His eyes lit up when playing with that kid. He was completely in his element. I didn’t know that parenting could look so natural until I saw him. It reminded me of when we were buying our house. I had seen houses before, but didn’t look at them with “buyers eyes”. I had seem Luis interact with kids before, but never really saw him through the same eyes as I did when I saw a glimpse of what he will be like as a dad.

I am so lucky to have an amazing husband who has a heart that longs to be a father. On the days that I am doubting myself, I know that I have an amazing partner to lean on. Adopting is hard. Parenting will be hard, and I know that we need to be united as a team. He has been so focused and excited when we talk about our future child. He has such a gracious heart, and prays daily for the woman that is (or will be) carrying our child. Since the day that we got married, Luis has looked forward to being a dad. I know that our baby will be just as blessed to have this man as their dad. This baby will be so lucky!

Luis, you are my #MCM, today and everyday, and I am so glad that I get to go on this journey with you. We have had our ups and downs, but there is no one on earth I would rather be on this crazy train with than you. I am so lucky that you get to be my baby’s father, and I can’t wait to see you thrive!

~Danielle